This article is part of the series The Asian and American Man, where I talk about different perspectives of Asian and American culture, and how they come together to form an Asian American identity.
This article focuses on masculinity.
Different worldly cultures share different worldly perspectives of masculinity. And rightfully so, because they each prioritize different aspects of life. With that being said, what is the experience of the Asian American man in the US?
Before diving into that, let’s talk about and contrast some cultural practices of American and Asian cultures.
Generally speaking, US culture favors individualism, which favors individual freedoms and choice. Having lived in the US all my life, I feel that there is a mantra of freedom and self-righteousness that lingers in the air when people feel individually suppressed by the government or controlling authority. For example, the idea of standing up for what you believe in is commonly considered courageous.
In contrast, Chinese culture favors collectivism, which is the complete opposite of US culture. Collectivism, in essence, is prioritizing group interests over individual interests. For example, the idea of standing up for what you believe in may be considered selfish and out of line.
How is this Relevant to Asian American Men?
The problem is quite simple. There are two different forces telling them to live their lives a certain way.
I argue that this is particularly true with 1st generation Asian Americans, whose parents are immigrants. Studies on different attachment styles have shown us that parental behavior during early childhood affects a child’s personality development, so it makes sense that cultural teachings at home also affect the child’s worldly perceptions.
But, the culture they would see in media and the world around them is different from what is taught at home.
What ultimately happens is conflict. Asian American male personalities either embody their family culture and values, or embody the society’s popular culture and values. Worst case scenario, they do not become accustomed to either, which results in unable to connect with the people around them.
In any way, it is a struggle that I feel many Asian American men like myself experience, and have to figure out a way to overcome.
Assertive vs. Avoidant
Imagine the typical protagonist portrayed in pop culture, characters from movies like Avengers, Top Gun, Avatar, even kids movies like Harry Potter, Shrek, How to Train Your Dragon, Frozen, En Canto, Inside Out, Turning Red. There is a general theme of going against the norm, not only being different than the average person, but also being assertive. If anything, those are the norms in most popular protagonist stories. No one wants to watch a movie or listen to a story where nothing extraordinary happens. It would be a snorefest.
In fact, in these movies, the assertive and seemingly reckless behavior is rewarded. The stories all positively reinforce the idea of straying from tradition, innovation, and being fearless in the face of adversity.
Compare that to the general mindset of what is commonly taught in early-generation Asian American households: stay out of trouble, follow the law, study hard, do well in school, be a good kid, listen to your parents, be obedient.
I agree that most of these themes are shared across cultures for children. Regardless of cultural upbringing, kids should always follow the law, succeed academically, and listen to their parents (or at least try to).
However, what is the supported mindset after adolescence? Does the Asian American man stand up for what he believes in like in the movies? Or does he accept what happens to him as fact and accept it for what it is?
Consequences
The problem starts to stem here: the scale of male masculinity in the eyes of collectivism and individualism is different. Who is the Asian American male going to appease? The parents that have raised him since he was a child? Or the society he has been raised around?
Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. In my opinion, the best solution is acknowledging that the conflict inherently exists, and will have to be addressed on each individual basis. There will always be men who appease one or the other, but like many other problems, maybe the best solution is something in between.
If you liked this article, check out my profile for more!
